Aloe Vera

Break out the light green tube. Is there anything more soothing when you’ve had a touch too much from the big yellow spotlight.

Beach

There can only be one “b” in this WA summer list. Surely. Whether you’re swimming behind the barrier at Cottesloe, or staring out from Hamelin Bay, we’re all about the beach. It’s our happy place.

Cherries

One way to reduce our “air miles” is to eat local, and getting cherried up during the season really tinges the summer pink. The cherry season is from mid-December to late January, when varieties like Bing (very “White Christmas”), Sweetheart, Stella, and Lapin do their thing. Eighty five per cent of WA’s cherries are grown between Donnybrook to Pemberton, but they are also in the Dwellingup area and Perth Hills. To follow the Southern Forests Cherry Trail and buy fresh cherries direct from growers, try the hashtag #GenuinelyCherryTrail and @GenuinelySouthernForests on socials.

Dunsborough

How can you get so many people into one small place for such specific times of the year?

Endless Summer

When we head inside and draw the curtains, what do we lie on the couch and watch? Head to Amazon Prime for this classic movie — the ultimate surfing adventure, travelling the globe looking for the perfect wave. Director Bruce Brown created a timeless masterpiece. Never gets tired.

Fires

Heat plus tinder dry land. It’s pretty simple to work out what that equals. What bugs me most is people throwing bottles out of car windows. Considering we all went to school for 12 years, you’d think everyone would know that a clear bottle can act as a lens. Duh.

G-String

I barely want to mention it, but it has become such a feature of Perth (and WA) beaches, that this shift in summer fashion needs to be wedged in here somewhere. The modern G-string can be traced back to the 1939 World Fair, when the New York City mayor Fiorello La Guardia decreed that showgirls had to perform covered up rather than fully nude. The G-string got around this, if not much else. But it was designer Rudi Gernreich who invented the first “thong bikini”, in 1974. Models Jerry Hall and Lisa Taylor were photographed the following year by Helmut Newton, each wearing one. Jerry loved Perth, of course, until she loved London more.

Havaianas

It just seems just about every West Aussie foot has been in (or rather, on) a Havaianas. They are more than thongs, flip flops, pluggers or plakkies — they have become part of the West Aussie fashion lexicon. They’re a long way from their Brazilian origins in the 1960s — but then, summer is summer everywhere. It seems the world’s most expensive pair of Havaianas, part of a collection called Felicidade, was sold for $18,520, but Kmart still has original Havaianas for $12.

Indigestion

West Australians socialise more over the holidays — and I can almost smell those pub and cafe deep fryers from here. Calamari and chips, anyone? And who ordered the fish that slides out of its sheaf of oily batter?

Jellyfish

Ouch. What is that? And then, after you are out of the ocean and the burning starts you know it was a jellyfish. But not all jellyfish should be treated equally. Use vinegar for a jellyfish causing Irukandji syndrome or box jellyfish. Use hot water (as hot as the patient can tolerate) for non-tropical jellyfish and bluebottles. Now, about that old cure of urinating on someone who has a jellyfish bite. Don’t. It doesn’t work for the victim — in fact, it can provoke jellyfish stingers to release even more venom than if you just rinse with seawater.

Keepsakes

I know, I know, you’re not supposed (or allowed) to take anything from the beach. But where would my zebra finch Zag (happily alone since partner Zig died) be without his cuttlefish? Where would the front dash of that old Holden be without a couple of shells Blu Tacked onto it. Where would the table in the yard be without a couple of pieces of driftwood on it?

Libido

I’ve just, by chance (honest) been reading a serious medical paper which says that warmer temperatures can cause increased blood flow, which may lead to increased sexual arousal. Heat can prompt the body to produce more endorphins, which can create a “natural high” and boost libido. Or it may just be that more people are on holiday, with less stress, wearing less clothes than in winter. Have a nice summer.

Mosquitoes

The good news is, if you’re within 100m of me, you won’t have to worry — as any mosquitoes in the area will be so busy gorging on me that they won’t even notice you. Cover up with light clothing. Use some sort of repellent (you might not need such a serious chemical as DEET). And if you do get one of those pesky little proboscises stuck into you, heat a teaspoon in hot water to a temperature you can just stand on the skin, and hold the back of it on the mosquito “bite” (which isn’t actually a “bite”). I was taught this in Africa and told it dissipates the proteins injected by the mosquitoes and takes away the itch. Works for me.

Nanna

Never forget how many summers Nanna’s lived through. She might have been a beach bum in the 60s or part of the scene at the start of the professional surf industry in Australia in the 70s. While Charlie “Sn­ow” McAllister is seen as our old man of surf (and a founding member of the Australian Surfriders Association in 1963) and Robert “Nat” Young pioneered the “new era” of aggressive surf style in the mid-1960s, Isabel Letham was arguably one of the first surfers in Australia — way before that. Isabel was on Freshwater Beach for the historic exhibition surf of Hawaiian Duke Kahanamoku, the “father of surfing”, in 1915. Don’t dismiss Nanna. She’s seen and done it all. Take her to the beach.

Oral issues

Scuba diving can cause a dental condition called barodontalgia (to you and me, “tooth squeeze”). A spokesperson for the Australian Dental Association says the change in pressure when diving can cause tooth pain and there isn’t an easy fix, but talk to your dentist about it. Easier to fix is jaw joint and muscle pain from biting on the mouthpieces for snorkelling and scuba gear. Our dental insider advises: “Try not to bite too hard whilst using them, and massage of the jaw muscles and rest of the face can help.”

Pinot Grigio

Along with sauvignon blanc, pinot grigio has become a top pick in summer wine. It’s a clear, bright, fresh white wine. Top of the wozzer? Maybe WA’s West Cape Howe Pinot Grigio (about $17 a bottle). Two thirds of the grapes come from West Cape Howe’s Mt Barker vineyards and a third is from Margaret River. This year’s season was the earliest on record. West Cape Howe harvested about three weeks earlier than average, but an insider says the fruit still came in at optimal ripeness and flavour.

Quoll

These endemic little critters don’t mind the summer heat. Not only do they live in a burrow, but in hot weather, the Western Quoll can lower its body temperature by a few degrees in the daytime. To put it technically, it can regulate body temperature independently of ambient temperature. (We wish.) Quoll populations have been decimated, but Arid Recovery has been working to reintroduce this mammalian predator and, since 2018, they have flourished in the desert ecosystems where they have been placed. The Western Quoll has been added to the Arid Recovery program and you can sponsor one for $99. aridrecovery.org.au

Rashies

You might feel like an overcooked chook fighting your way out of an oven bag, but the sun will eat you. That rashie might save you. Research recently published in Health Promotion International, reckons the Cancer Council WA’s SunSmart program could prevent 300,000 skin cancers and save 1000 lives over the next 20 years. The study also found the last 20 years of the program helped avoid 13,000 melanomas. Want well cut and rapid-dry? Try Aussie firm Shark Skin. sharkskin.com.au

Sea Breeze

The Fremantle Doctor used to be so important to this place. First let me explain it — water and land heat and cool at different rates, and we have a LOT of water to the west and a LOT of land to the east, and this cooling and warming creates the big air drag offshore in the morning (the “easterly”) and onshore in the afternoon (the “seabreeze”). It was nicknamed the Fremantle Doctor as it saved everyone. The old story was that you could hear the flywire doors slap shut as it came in every afternoon. But then we chopped up all the blocks, built houses without gardens and apartments and air conditioned everything that moved. The sea breeze now is just something that spoils the beach, so we get there early to swim when the easterly’s still in.

Ticking over

Yes, it’s the time of year where big blokes sit scrolling through their phones in big utes with the air conditioning blasting as their girlfriends go into coffee shops. I’ve just timed one. He sat with his RAM (with a “sustainable industries” company logo on the door) ticking over for 24 minutes until his girl came out with two coffees in takeaway cups. (He could have got out and sat in the shade of the beautiful tree next to him.) Ticking over? More like “ticks me off”.

Umbrella

They’re not just for rain. A pretty umbrella makes shade and still gives you the breeze. (Better than a hat?) Nice summer accessory. Try Labella’s windproof Clifton auto open fashion folding wedding umbrella for $25. labellaumbrellas.com.au

Value

Looking for a value short break in WA? Hold your horses. Usually, after schools go back (this year, on February 5), and things really quieten down for accommodation providers, there are “three nights for the price of two” type offers.

Water

First we ignored our shrivelled and screaming kidneys and just went thirsty. Then we started carrying little water bottles. Now it’s the Stanley cup trend — 40 ounces of water in hand at all times, it seems. That’s 1.2 litres in a Stanley Quencher H2.0 FlowState blockbuster tumbler made of 90 per cent recycled stainless steel. Stay hydrated.

Xanthorrhoea

Various grass trees are endemic to Australia, but the balga is endemic to WA. It’s more than a mop-top — more a punk gone wild. Xanthorrhoea preissii is widespread — for the botanically-minded, a perennial monocot, is widespread in the South West botanical region, “this side” of a line from Geraldton to sort-of Esperance. Every centimetre of growth takes about a year. So a 1m-tall tree is 100 years old — and there are plenty of 3m and 4m Xanthorrhoeas out there. They’ve put up with plenty.

Yellow

Plenty of people work at this time of year, and only get daytrips. It’s also a good time to enjoy Perth’s beaches and parks, and for a few jobs around the house — nice and early, before the paint dries on the brush. The team at Dulux says that “Summer Trends 2024” include yellows: “Create a natural, warm and positive space in your home this summer with pale sky blues, refreshing yellows and warm reddish-browns.” (And that’s a better summer “yellow” than that dreary Coldplay dirge.)

Zig Zag Drive

More than 80 per cent of us live within 50km of the coastline, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. So that includes places like Gooseberry Hill, on the Darling Scarp, though it feels “a million miles” from the salty, turquoise-and-cream lip of the Indian Ocean. What I’m getting to is this. Don’t just cling to the coast in summer — dip into the hinterland too. The pulse of cicadas is part of our national anthem. The scent of hot gum trees is the perfume of past, present and future. Zig Zag Scenic Drive is a good place to start, giving a commanding view back over the Swan Coastal Plain.